50 Shades. It has become a household name to horny wives reaching for sexual liberation. 

But how about BDSM plus FBSM?

Allow me clue you in on a professional sensual massage technique that is starting to blow up like wildfire. Have you heard of it?

Bondassage!

It is a combination of light kink, erotic bodywork, sensory play, bondage, and a whole lotta healing goin’ on. 

Creator Jaeleen Bennis shares how she designed this technique after her frustrations with the traditional sensual massage industry and desire to incorporate light BDSM practices with her services. The combination of FBSM, BDSM and therapeutic bodywork transformed into the unique massage technique she has branded and is spreading across the globe. To find out more, read her interview with Annie Sprinkle HERE.

This trademarked system is offered by certified Bondassage therapists around the world. Plus they have a professional training for bodyworkers wishing to pursue this fantastically kinky sensual healing practice.

Whether you are looking to get tied up on the massage table yourself or desire to learn this technique to share with your loved ones and friends, Bondassage teachers also offer private courses for you to learn how to do it yourself.

Mark my word: Bondassage is the next big thing in the Erotic Healing Arts!

If it sparks your interest and you decide to sign up for the training program, please tell them Scarlet Amor sent you!

P.S. Ladies, don’t be shy! Bondassage sessions are available for women to receive too. Tickle your chakras?

xox ~Scarlet Amor

www.ScarletAmor.com

You know, that black list of bad habits and unfortunate personality traits are zero tolerance in your book. Verbal abuse? Name your drug addiction? Ex porn star? Bad breath?

I know I have my “I will NEVER be in a relationship with you once I get one whiff of this behavior” list. Don’t me started, once I get going my mind can run on and on about what I DON’T want in a relationship. I was hurt in the past and vowed I would never deal with that bullshit from anyone ever again!

But is this zero tolerance attitude healthy for those of us on the path of personal growth and spiritual transformation?

Recently I’ve had second thoughts on my “Deal Breakers”…..

So I dated this man a while back who in many ways was a long term keeper. But there was ONE thing that made me walk away: He was an alcoholic. When I spent the night over at his place for some odd reason I would wake craving a beer for breakfast (or three)! WTF? Plus he got sloppy drunk every night which made him a shitty lover.

It was a crucial put my foot down deal breaker, so I left.

I told myself “I can’t deal with alcoholics” because I had problems with the bottle myself in my far distant past. But was I making excuses and avoiding my own dirty laundry by projecting the problem onto my potential lover?

The real issue is I have a strong addictive personality and can easily be swayed back to the dark side when I am around other addicts. I never had the guts to tell him that was the reason why, or to ask him to stop drinking and face his problem. It triggered me so I chickened out and bolted instead of facing the real issue at hand!

Now I am witnessing him celebrating his one year anniversary madly in love with the woman he met immediately after me. And I’ve noticed that he’s not drunk anymore! Did he clean up? That was all I needed from him. Now he’s super desirable, but I threw away my chance because I was too caught up on my “Deal Breaker”!

A few questions for you, my fellow spiritually erotic revolutionaries…

• What are YOUR “Deal Breakers” and WHY are you so hard core about them? (Hint: There is an old “poor me” story attached to it.)
• What “Deal Breaker” are you most afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen? Name your fear!
• Are you willing to look within and deal with your own issues that are triggered by these deal breakers?
• Have you had someone walk away from YOU when their deal breaker was actually negotiable in your eyes?
• Where does forgiveness play out here? And second chances?

Maybe we are all being a bit too hard on ourselves when the opportunity to love, transform and heal is all around us.

xox ~Scarlet Amor
Love & Intimacy Coach and Author of “The Dakini Chronicles”

www.ScarletAmor.com

Most people can’t pronounce it. Other’s give me the raised eyebrow when the word is uttered in public. Certain adepts get it and give me a high five.

Wikipedia says a Dakini is a “Tantric deity described as a female embodiment of enlightened energy.”

In modern times, it is a code word for a spiritualized sex worker.

Why do I choose to claim this title in the name of YUM?

I’m not just following the spiritual hipster lingo branding myself as a modern neo-Tantric professional provider (although I am). For me it’s in the roots, beyond outdated scriptures and dogmatic his-torical fables.

The DAKINI is an archetype that every woman on this planet can embody. It is a term of endearment for those women who naturally transform peoples lives simply by being in her juicy, sexually empowered, artistically creative divine hot yoga mama presence. She’s comfortable with her sensuality and enlightened by human interactions. She is a muse that gives you a rise in your knickers and turns on your mind at the same time. She’s enlighteningly sexy and she knows it.

And you don’t have to be a new age sex worker to claim it.

I encourage women around the world to re-embrace the archetype of the MODERN DAKINI DIVA.

This is MY proclamation. What is yours?

I AM A DAKINI DIVA: “I am a sexy alien angel from the stars, a celestial sky dancer, a secret agent of cosmic love residing undercover on this planet in human form to spark transformation in my seekers with my seductive song and dance. The light in my eyes speaks volumes of timeless wisdom to the heart, shaking your kundalini awake to help us all remember who we truly are. Here for just a moment, and then she flies away…

And Hollywood is my home. I roll with luscious visionary bohemians and fashionable spiritual hipsters in caked organic make up to disguise our angel roots. I’m a DAKINI DIVA, dammit. Jump on my starship for the ride of your life and I’ll play dubstep with your root chakra and send sparks flying out of your ears… that is IF you are willing to open your heart to my cosmic love sauce. Boom shakalaka.”

xox ~ Scarlet Amor ~ Author of The Dakini Chronicles

http://www.scarletamor.com

Is it healthy? On one hand our crush can serve as a muse to inspire us to be a better person, just as a real budding relationship encourages us to step up our game. Hopeful romance as a path of personal evolution! But the other side of this elusive game can lead us into an unintentional black hole of illusion, false projections and utter disappointment. Be careful!

There was one Facebook crush in particular that has held my heart in limbo since I first discovered him online. The comment he made on the post I put on a mutual friend’s wall didn’t matter. It was my heart leaping into my throat that grabbed my attention when I saw it. Love at first sight with a profile thumbnail!

Of course I immediately clicked over to his page. There was an ambiguous cover photo and *gorgeous* profile picture that sang love songs to my soul, with a choir of angels taboot. But all the other photos were hidden from public access. And wall posts private. So the only other option was to click on his info section and hope my investigation would come up with some results.

Step One: Search for his relationship status.

OMG! Single!!! My heart is literally racing right now. Wait a minute, double check to see if he is interested in women or men. Sometimes the cutest guys are actually gay (which do make for the best-est of friends, but pointless to pursue in these matters of the heart). Oh goodie, he is into women. God’s gift to humanity. Thank you.

Step Two: Investigate personal website links.

Yes, his business URL is listed here. Self-employed. That could mean anything. Gonna check it out anyways. Open apple click to open in new window. I’ll look later.

Step Three: Read up on his “About me, inspirational quotes and interests.”

Heavens to Betsy, this one has written a novel of information! As I devour each word my entire body is tingling from head to toe (affirmation chills). He uses unfamiliar linguistics to describe himself and philosophy of life, but as I decode his language *I think* he is making a list of every single quality I seek in a man. Oh dear. I will come to back read this again. And again.

Step Four: Check his mutual friends.

Does he have thousands on his list? Is he a “hot woman collector”? Anyone in common? If the list is large, “mutual friends” is up for interpretation. The thirty friends we do have in common are ALL HOT WOMEN I know. No dudes. Red flag? Or hit up my girlfriends and do some first hand investigative research? Maybe some of them have already dated him and can give me a heads up before I fall completely in Facebook love with him. Mental note: ask the girls for a referral next time I see them.

I don’t need any more convincing. His profile photo alone is cupids arrow pointing straight at my heart with him looking directly at me with “those eyes” that I will wake to every morning in bed for the rest of my life. It is as if the image of this man has stepped right out of my journal and manifested in all his Facebook glory. The man of my dreams!

Enough of this. Friend request! A private message along with the request is the proper way to grab my future lovers attention. In my intoxication I write something stupid and press send before I can doubt myself.

Next comes the long waiting period. The anxiety of watching for that notification update that “Mister Dream Come True and Scarlet Amor are now friends and soon to be In a Relationship!” And so I waited, for days, and then a week…until one Monday morning when I least expected it his gorgeous icon showed up in my notifications. “Friend request accepted!”

My palms were sweating when I clicked over to his page with full access to his Facebook life. Profile photos first. OMFG! Dream. Come. True. Oh. God. Almighty. Is. This. Man. For. Real? I know I should not base my assumptions on a photo, each one as heart melting as the next, but it is too late. I am 100% infatuated.

I dive on in. Wall posts. Notes. Photos. Videos. Poetry. Artwork. A wealth of information about this man’s life. Or at least what it appears to be? I completely forget common sense that good looks and well versed words can be deceiving. Instead I allow the fantasy to take hold and cast a spell on me, only looking for what I want to see, pieces of a puzzle fitting into the image of true love I have woven in my minds eye. A total illusion. And I’m hooked.

Any reasonable advice I would give a client or friend in my situation flew out the door.

When we build up a colorful fantasy in our mind we can pretty much guarantee disappointment in the end. No one can live up to the expectations we create in the madness of our romantic imaginations! And trust me, I had developed quite the fancy for this one in particular.

I did my best to be reserved and only liked a post or photo of his every few days in hopes to grab his attention. Everything he wrote was written directly to me, so it seemed, spoken straight from the reflection of my own heart’s longing for my perfect match. Ridiculous as it sounds, I waited to post a love song on my wall or a thoughtful romantic musing until I saw he was online in hopes that he might catch it in his news feed and know it was really written for him.

And it worked. When his dreamy icon first showed up in my notifications with a comment I literally fell off my chair! I was already naming our children at this point.

A few days later my Dream Man posted on his Facebook status that he is “In a Relationship” with another woman. Stunning she is in the photo of them together. Looks like true love. He has found his match. Game over. I actually cried over it.

I now understand why we call it a “CRUSH!”

Lesson learned. My crush has served as my muse in dreaming of perfect love and infatuation, offering me a guidepost to rise up to meet that image of myself as the perfect mate. While the fantasy has inspired me, it also has made me unavailable to experiencing real love in the flesh. I was living in a dream.

What a gift my crush has offered me! Thank you, my sweet handsome Facebook friend. Now if we actually do meet in the flesh some fateful day we can begin from scratch.

xox ~ Scarlet Amor

Love & Intimacy Coach and Author of The Dakini Chronicles

Here is a man who is every woman’s dream come true. Radiant, successful, inspirational, handsome, generous, grounded, fun-loving, authentic and spiritually in tune. And he just keeps paying it forward. Shows up 100%. A man with a mission. It’s downright sexy.

When I discovered this VIDEO on his new program “The MAN Breakthrough Experience” I knew right away this is unlike any “manifest your soulmate” workshop that has been offered before.

Why? Because it is coming straight from the horses mouth, from the kind of man that IS the ultimate catch for the modern empowered woman.

You just need to check him out for yourself. Watch the video HERE. (Swoon!)

So why are so many amazing sexy power house spiritually evolved women still SINGLE and longing for her perfect match?

Yes, even me… single, sexy and continually frustrated with this incessant craving to find my dream mate. What gives?

Well Kute has nailed it (no pun intended). Grab your single gals and SIGN UP for “The Man Breakthrough Experience“ happening the weekend of June 1st, 2012 in Los Angeles, California.

“The MAN Breakthrough Experience” is a two and half day, revolutionary, one of a kind transformational, experiential immersion seminar for women created by Kute Blackson. It is designed to give you the unique insights into understanding men like never before. As well as clearing, healing, and transforming the hidden blocks that prevent you from attracting the love you deserve and desire.

Please spread the word to all your lady friends. Sign up on Kute’s mailing list to get some free inspirational videos. And invest in your future love by joining me and an extraordinary group of women for a transformational experience.

CHECK IT OUT!

Either way, just to spend an entire weekend in Kute’s presence is worth every penny.

xox ~ Scarlet Amor
Author of “The Dakini Chronicles”
www.ScarletAmor.com

P.S. I also offer coaching for MEN seeking their perfect mate. Check out my program HERE: www.scarletamor.com/coaching

I’ve gone by many names over the years. Maiden name, married name, post divorce I reclaim my new self name. Artist names. Hippie names. Spiritual names. And a handful of Dakini names from back in the days when I was working as a Tantrica. It’s hard to keep up with them all!

When I retired from doing hands on Tantric healing work and sensual massage I erased all evidence of my history. Ads deleted, phone number cancelled, sim card smashed to smithereens. It was as if I never existed. That phase of my life complete. Bridges burned behind me by the hand of my own match.

Liberating it is.

And from the ashes, Scarlet Amor is born!

I love having the opportunity to recreate myself. It’s like moving to a new town and starting fresh where no one knows your history. I gather all my lessons, triumphs and defeats and repackage myself anew. I put my best foot forward and dance wildly in the lime light for all to see. The new me. The evolved me. The woman I dream of becoming.

My path as a Dakini will never end. It has simply transformed to a whole new level. I am no longer hidden behind the veil of the Temple. Now that I am retired I can come out of the closet and proclaim my story to the world, uninhibited, unabashed, uncensored. This feels so much more rewarding than hiding behind my secrets.

Ultimately those secrets have become my greatest gift to the world!

May Day 2012. That is when www.ScarletAmor.com was launched. Posted my diary on the internet for all to see. Posed in my underwear under bright lights. Put my radical opinions online. Packaged my teachings. Branded myself. Burnt my new logo onto my ass. Lifted my skirt so you can see how tender and inflamed it still is. Raw, real and completely me.

May it inspire you to do the same. Pave your own path. Speak your own truth. Tell it like it is!

I’d like to give props to my team of talented lady cyber vixens that assisted in building www.ScarletAmor.com. They are all available to hire for your own projects and personal branding. Tell them Scarlet sent you…

MARIE ANTHONY: Fetish Photographer and Stylist. Marie is a Dakini Diva in her own right. Her photography is down right sexy, powerful and provocative. And she taught me how to stand in ridiculous Betty Page shoes while radiating my love light for her lens to capture. A talented artist in all ways. Her work empowers women. http://www.viamariestudios.com/

GAELYN LARRICK: Graphic and Book Cover Design. At her core she is an visual artist with a fine talent at reminding me of my ultimate potential. I cried when she sent me the final edit of my logo and book cover. Gaelyn has a gift of taking your creative vision and transforming it into print. Through it all she has become one of my dearest friends and mentors. Do hire her for your own graphic design and branding! http://gaelynlarrick.com/

WAHKEENA SITKA: Website Design. A woman of many talents, one of them as a Cyber Dakini and mistress of HTML. Sitka was able to work with my vision for www.ScarletAmor.com and turn it into a WordPress masterpiece that I can manage on my own. She set up a beautiful skin and taught me how to grow from there. I love sexy girl geeks! Book her for your own website design. http://divine-by-design.com/

Women truly do make the world go round. Thank you ladies for helping to co-create Scarlet Amor!

xox ~Scarlet Amor
Author of “The Dakini Chronicles” Book Series
www.ScarletAmor.com

The Tantric Dakini. As sacred sexuality bubbles to the surface of modern erotic culture and more woman chose the path of spiritual sex work in the name of the divine, this catch phrase is beginning to make Backpage headlines and viral Facebook memes.

Calling oneself a “Tantric Dakini” is a badge of honor worn by women who work as sensual healers and muses in the Western sacred sexuality industry. She practices meditation, breath work and yoga inspired from ancient spiritual cultures with a New Age twist. Images of Shiva and Shakti are plastered on her walls like pop star idols. She purrs through her daily practice of pelvic curls and wiggles during Vipassana to adjust her jade egg situated up her vaginal canal. There is a glow about her because her kundalini flows effortlessly during yab yum and on the dance floor. She is a sexy yogini, dedicated to her path of reclaiming divine pleasure through the art of conscious loving and has been known to chant Sanskrit mantras when she orgasms.

There are plenty of courses you can take to be trained and certified as a Tantric Dakini in a matter of a weekend, IF you have a thousand dollars or so stashed under your bed (she prefers to call her bed an “alter to love”). But no training, guru, text book or thousand dollar piece of certified paperwork can transform you into a Dakini over night.

The Dakini is a force that resides deep in her soul memory begging to come out. When she goes to her first Tantric Puja at the yoga studio in Marin and stands eye to eye with a creepy grey haired man who is breathing onion mouth in her face something wakes up inside her precious yoni heart. She remembers. She sees this man as an embodiment of God Himself. She loves him unconditionally. Her eyes brim with tears, places her hand over his heart chakra and blesses him with her presence and holy love. He starts convulsing, hears angels singing in his ears and falls to the floor on his knees kissing her feet.

The trademarked practices the Western Tantra teacher is offering in the workshop gives voice to what she has naturally been doing all her life. Consciously moving energy with her breath, healing those around her with her touch and embracing the grace of divinity itself at the peak of orgasm as kundalini sparkles shoot out the top of her head when she comes, even though no clothes came off. Over time she guided her male lovers and consorts on how to hold his seed, make love to her for hours on end without ejaculating, and helped him find that sacred spot inside her pussy temple that when massaged just right makes her squirt all over the bed…soaking it.

She has an epiphany one day. She has found her gift. Her purpose in this world. She quits her job as a waitress, sets up a massage table in her dining room, lights some candles and incense and hangs her virtual shingle on the prostitution website message board as a Tantric Dakini for hire. Full body sensual massage is her cover, but once the client walks through the door he is in for a surprise. He is about to be touched by a Goddess.

Finally she has found a vocation that will pay the bills and allow her to eat out at raw food restaurants on a daily basis. But no matter how proud she may be of her new line of work most people don’t understand it. She teams up with a small group of other Dakini’s for support, but when she mentions the “T” word in public she gets tarred and feathered. She is faced with misperceptions, judgements, name calling, and frustrating assumptions. Everyone wants to know what a Tantric Dakini actually does…

What my friends think I do…

My friends think that I spend my time at all girl Tantric orgies with neutered man servants as we gorge ourselves on amirta cocktails.

What my mom thinks I do…

My mom still thinks that I am a yoga instructor working at an all girl therapeutic massage studio. She doesn’t understand why I work the night shift.

What society thinks I do…

Sex work, no matter how much new age spiritual fluff we try to dress it up with, is still sex work.

What my clients think I do…

Clients assume I will dress up like Cleopatra for a game of role playing, do anal, feed him grapes from my cleavage and allow him to “worship my Goddessness” with his tongue.

What I think I do…

A picture speaks a thousand words. This is my intention at least.

What I actually do…

Get up at 8am to post ads on the internet, tweak my text and get frustrated that another massage ho stole my tagline but is charging half as much, sit by the phone for thirteen hours a day waiting for calls to come in, lay around in my pajamas wasting my time on Facebook making silly meme photos in Keynote, read the Dakini Chronicles for shits and giggles, and once I finally decide to hit up Cafe Gratitude for lunch and am walking out the door a client calls and wants to see me in five minutes because he is waiting down the street and needs to get back to work for a meeting so I rush back inside, work my magic, blow his mind, educate him about non-ejaculatory orgasms, provide a happy ending anyways, ring my Tibetan singing bowls, kiss him on his brow, usher him out the door and decide to have Thai food delivered so I can spend the rest of the day in my pajamas on Facebook so I don’t miss another call.

Well, now you know the truth. Don’t assume all Tantric Dakini’s are like this. It’s simply how it worked for me.

P.S. Join my fan page on Facebook. It’s almost like laying in our pajamas together on my bed.

xox ~Miss Scarlet

http://www.scarletamor.com

https://www.facebook.com/DakiniChronicles

Do you know the 8 Rules for Booking a Sensual Massage? You would think most men would know how to pick up the phone and politely book a FBSM appointment as he would with his doctor or therapist. Professionally. But for some reason in the Erotic Arts world some guys take this simple phone call as an opportunity to be slimy creeps on the tele and ask inappropriate questions. Watch the video and learn.

A perfect client would say something like this:

“Hi Scarlet, this is John Jones, MD, from Jones and Associates here in Hollywood. I saw you ad on this weeks listing of LA Weekly. I’d like to book a two hour tantra massage session tomorrow at 2pm, or whenever is convenient for your schedule. Here is my LinkedIn profile along with a name and phone number of a local provider who can vouch for me. Also, here is my Redbook handle. I am looking forward to (quote my ad text verbatim) and giving you a raving five star review after our session. Do you like wine and roses? Just checking to see if it is appropriate to bring you a gift. Thank you so much for your time.”

A fantasy, really.

Unfortunately, most calls go like this:

Me: “Hello?”
Him: (heavy breathing….) “Uh, hi. Who’s this.”
Me: “You called me, sir.”
Him: “Uh, yeah. I’m calling about the ad.”
Me: “Wonderful. Where did you see it listed?”
Him: “Uh, on the internet. Your photo is really hot.” (his breathing gets heavier)
Me: “Are you calling to book a session?”
Him: “Can I come right now?” (grunting, probably choking the chicken)
Me: “What is your name, sir?”
Him: “Uh…..Bob.”
Me: “And what type of session are you interested in, Bob?”
Him: “Uhhhh, I dunno. Can you tell me what you do?”

It goes on like this for ten minutes. No guarantee that he will actually book. Or show up. He obviously did not read the advertisement or he wouldn’t ask the loaded question: “What do you do?”

If I can get past the “what do you do in session” and “how many releases do I get” and “do you do extras” and “will you wear that sexy black lace thing I see (OMG I think I am about to come) in your photos” and “do you shave cause I like hairy girls” and “can you do fifteen minute massages” and “if I bring my toy will you fuck me in the ass” and all kinds of other bullshit I get on a daily basis and he actually BOOKS the session, verified, with a legitimate name, business URL and phone number, well, then we are in business.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some civilized gentlemen out there that know how to call a provider and book a session with her like any other massage therapist. They dot their “I’s” and cross their “T’s” and are very gentlemanly over the phone. These are my super star John’s. My knights in shining armor. These are the guys that wrote the book on “Phone Etiquette” for sensual massage and licked the edges to turn it gold.

The rules are pretty simple:

1. ALWAYS READ THE AD BEFORE YOU CALL.

Straight up, number one rule, that so many men miss, is READ THE F’N AD. Follow the links if she has them. Check out her reviews. Stop staring at her ass. Read the content! These girls put a lot of work into the copy. Remember her name when you call. If you really want to be charming, somehow slip some of the text from her ad into your conversation. “I look forward to receiving some of your ‘ravishing delights’ this evening, Miss Scarlet.” Like sugar sprinkled on top of the cherry, baby.

2. DO YOUR RESEARCH.

Most likely her ad is in code filled in with a bunch of gibberish poetic fluff that never gets to the point. Use your private investigator skills and dig deeper. Is it listed under “Escorts” or “Bodyrubs” or “Tantra” or “BDSM”? Does it say “No FS or mutual”? Any mention of “Prostate” or “Goddess Worship” or “FBSM ++”. Get on google and break the code. Know what you are getting into BEFORE you call.

3. DON’T ASK QUESTIONS.

Once you get on the phone all you do is politely BOOK THE SESSION. Don’t ask risque, crude, demanding or revealing questions. Due to legalities, if she is SMART, she won’t answer them. This is a good sign. Sure, ask her about the weather or if she had a good holiday, this is YOUR chance to vibe her out too, but never get too personal. Be professional, kind and sweet. Oh, and guess what, don’t ask her anything once you arrive at her place either. Just give her your biggest smile, slip those greenbacks onto her altar, and let her take the lead.

4. SCHEDULE IN ADVANCE.

What, you thought that if you called at 12:34am after getting out of the bar that she is waiting in her healing sanctuary, fully shaved and showered, dressed in lingerie and nibbling on strawberries waiting for your beckon call? Dakini’s have lives too, bro. I know the horny hits ya at a certain hour and you finally get the nerve to call her, but give her at least a few hours notice, buddy. Even better, a day. And for Christ’s sake, LEAVE A MESSAGE on her voicemail. Stop being a pussy. Book in advance.

5. SCREENING.

Some girls will just go off your vibe on the phone (so be nice!). Others will ask for your full name and double check your ID when you arrive. Some require full on work verification, websites, LinkedIn and Facebook profiles along with photo ID, business card and DNA sample. Or she may ask for another provider’s name and number who can verify your good standing, although that may take days. Just say yes. It is HIGHLY unlikely that SHE is a cop OR will call your wife. TRUST. If you see her a second time, you will never have to go through the grilling screening process again.

6. NEVER BARGAIN.

80% of the time her price is listed on her ad. If you’ve read it over thrice and still don’t see a requested quantity, or “roses”, then you may kindly ask her the fee for her services over the phone. NO, sex workers do NOT take credit cards or personal checks, stupid. Go to the ATM ahead of time and take out extra for a tip. NEVER try to talk her down once you arrive. In fact, never mention the money at all. Just drop it on the altar. Girls always remember big tippers. They black list bargainers and cheap skates.

7. BE A GENTLEMAN.

Kind. Considerate. Thoughtful. Polite. Relaxed. Confident. Suave. Complimentary. Generous. Peaceful. Nurturing. Charismatic. Charming. Calm. Presumingly Handsome. Dapper. Clean Shaven. With your boxer shorts freshly pressed and pocket watch wound upon arrival. Be a gentleman. Please, for the sake of Yum, DO NOT be a douche bag.

8. NO EXPECTATIONS.

Even if you’ve “done this sort of thing before”, never make assumptions or come into the conversation with heavy expectations. Every girl is different. She may use the same lingo as one girl but offer something totally different. She may be even more smoking hot than her photos in person, or (dear lord I hope this never happens to you) an old hag that stole her sixteen year olds sexting shots to put up on her ad. She may say Tantra on the phone but never even mention it during session, or give you a regular sensual massage that took you beyond the fifteen years you sat in ashram. Expect nothing and you will come out ahead.

——>

So be one of those John’s that leaves a smile on her face after you hang up the phone. Be the one that she rushes out to buy new underwear and incense before you arrive. Be the guy that she recommends to her girlfriends. Be that knight in shining armor, on the phone AND in session. And I bet if you started treating EVERYONE this way you will eventually be the King of the World.

xox ~Miss Scarlet

http://www.scarletamor.com

P.S. I will be releasing a full online course “The FBSM Etiquette Guidebook” through the University of Yum this spring. Stay tuned!

His eyes were commanding yet full of fire and adoration. It wasn’t a request. He was so grounded and assured of his power that I could only blush in response. Hesitating for a moment I wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed silly, a command that normally would be reprimanding, yet the way he said it I somehow felt honored. I knew that once I knelt in the spot he was pointing at on the hard wood floor facing the wall I would no longer have a say in how our night was going to proceed.

It was our third date, if you can believe it. We met on an online dating site, the only man I chose to respond to because it just felt “right”. Upon our first meeting we spoke casually about sexuality over an expensive brunch, me mentioning my work as a Tantrica for the past six years, he mentioning his interest in BDSM. At the time I gave him my rant that I have no interest in the dark arts or to play fake bedroom games pretending to be beaten by my lover. It was a turn off to me, although I admitted that I have yet to fully dive into that world so my judgements are jaded. On our second date we had our first kiss and he mentioned it again. I didn’t take it seriously.

Yet somewhere in the back of my mind I was intrigued. I give all the time as a Dakini. I hold impeccable space and adamant boundaries. I serve with only their pleasure in mind. And I get to call the shots. When my clients are on the table I am in complete control. Subtle domination I guess, yet without bondage. I am a Dominatrix of Divine Love.

But deep down inside I crave a lover who I can trust to top me, so I can surrender, so I can receive. A man like that is hard to come by.

Here we are two weeks later after our first date and he is punishing me for standing him up last night. Rightfully so. We made plans to spend the weekend together, drive up to his house on Friday evening to “hang out” and “get to know each other” before an all day adventure he had sketched out for us on Saturday. But a work call came in, it had been slow all week and I desperately needed the money so I made a fateful choice to postpone our date until the morning. I needed to rake in $300 to pay my overdue bills. And I felt like we were moving too fast. I didn’t think it would phase him much. I was wrong.

With a nervous smile I submitted to him and took the position.

“My time is valuable,” his voice boomed behind me. “I felt disrespected that you cancelled two hours before we were to meet. You are lucky that I am forgiving.” I heard the sound of chains rattling and the soft thud on leather on the couch. Before I could open my mouth to respond he bent down to my ear and said, “Take off your dress.”

I had planned ahead for this moment, wearing some sexy lace black panties and a matching bra. I thought he was kidding around on the phone about giving me a spanking but I prepared nonetheless. I figured he’d just put me over his knee. Once I made it over to his house that afternoon he was calm and casual and didn’t mention anything about it until now.

I was tingling with excitement as I pulled my black cotton dress off over my head and laid it on the floor next to me. I felt humbled as he walked around the apartment in his heavy leather boots making it loud and clear who is the boss in this situation. This wasn’t a game. He had every right to punish me. I know had done him wrong and this was my way of making it up to him.

“Put your hands on the wall and bend over.”

I did as he said. Somehow my ass craved his steady hand, longing for his touch. But instead he kept me waiting as I heard more metal and heavy items shuffling around behind me. The anticipation was torturous, my muscles tensing up as his boots circled around and then stood silent about a foot from my shaking tail. I could feel him sizing me up. My pussy started convulsing.

Breathe, Scarlet. Remember your practice. Just breathe.

There was so much energy in the room it was tangible. I kept waiting for that sweet sting on my bum that I desperately deserved but he just stood there. I wanted to resist. I wanted to turn around and hug his knees and beg for forgiveness. Everything was shifting inside of me.

The built up resentments in my mind about all the men who have fucked me over, stood me up, canceled our dates at the last minute, left me hanging without an apology…it simply left with my breath. The old story I was hanging onto didn’t make any sense anymore. I had no excuse to do what I did last night. I was a douchebag for not honoring this man’s time.

The layers peeled off, one by one, like pages of a heavy book I’ve carried around all my life regarding “the men that let me down.” When I broke our date last night I had felt self-righteous. Now I am feeling the agony of waiting for retribution. It is as if the loving force of his hand will clear all the anger and resentments from the past in one clear stoke. And now I have to wait for it.

I didn’t feel ashamed. I felt empowered.

He waited until my last sigh was so heavy that I nearly collapsed. All the energy that has been stuck in my gut faded. I felt empty yet full of longing. Twenty years of therapy is nothing compared to this moment. The power was back in my hands, sweaty against the bare wall.

“Thats a good girl,” he says. Without mentioning anything of my process it was as if he felt my release. Sticking my ass back up in the air I took another breath in, my chin held high, and presented myself to him. But still he made me wait. There was another layer coming to the surface, one I thought I had let go of years ago.

Flashes of my childhood abuser came into my mind, of how he’d make me take this position with belt in hand after he forced me to strip down naked in front of him. Although I was only twelve years old he was my Dom. Punishment by him was belligerent, heavy handed, tinged with verbal abuse and inappropriate kinky innuendoes. He raped me of my power. I never considered that we had a BDSM relationship until this moment. No wonder I was always closed off to this world.

The realization made me laugh. Another key to my healing unlocked. I get it now. Fucking A, I am finally free.

That was when my date smacked me across the ass with so much love it made me squeal with joy. It resonated across my flesh and made my pussy tremble. The burning sensation on my skin was exquisite.

“Thank you,” was all I could say.

He grabbed me by my chin. “Thank you, WHAT?!” He had complete control over me. This man could strangle me if he wanted to, but the force of his hand that now slipped down to my throat felt comforting and safe.

Regardless, I didn’t want to say it. He clenched my neck tighter and smacked me on the ass again. My pussy was dripping at this point but I couldn’t move. There was a frog stuck in my throat, years of not being able to tell my secrets without getting in trouble welled up inside of me. I knew that once I spoke his name that old spell would be broken forever.

“Thank you….sir.”

I felt uncomfortable saying it. I had reached my edge. I felt like a little girl and started to contract. Without a moments hesitation he released my throat, bent over and kissed me so tenderly on my cheek that I nearly cried. His love for me was astounding, as was his sharp intuition that I started losing my power of surrender. Turning my face towards him I finally was able to look him in the eye. All I could see was love, tenderness, respect and complete confidence. His gentle kiss sealed the deal.

“Stand up and put your hands behind your back.”

As he slipped the leather cuffs onto my wrists I knew that I had finally found my man.

xox ~miss scarlet

http://www.scarletamor.com